Monthly Archives: November 2012

Thankful to Be Living in the Moment

November 19, 2012

Ever have days where you didn’t want to get out of bed, you just wanted to sleep until the bad stuff went away? Ever have days when you thought you couldn’t bear to face the world, put on a brave face, and go through your normal routine? I know you have. Everyone has stuff to deal with that gets them down now and again.

Like you, I don’t sweat the small stuff. Recent personal issues–BIG, BAD stuff–have gotten me down though. Boy, have I sweated it, and I’ve struggled to move forward. Hell, I’ll admit it. I’m still struggling. Thanks to a colleague of mine, though, I have a strategy to navigate the unknowns these coming days and months. (And no, this is one case where a margarita isn’t the answer.)

This friend knew, without me telling her, that I was at my wit’s end. She knew, without me telling her, that I needed someone to talk to, but I didn’t want to share my burden. She insisted we go out to lunch, get away from everything, and talk. Poor thing didn’t know what she was in for, because as soon as we got in her car that afternoon, I spilled. Everything. Then she shared such simple, yet profound advice I knew I’d have to share it with you: Don’t project. These two words gave me hope that I will be the person I need and want to be for my family, and for me.

Now, you may have heard about the importance of not projecting your feelings or problems onto others, but apparently this phrase means something else entirely. It’s more along the lines of Carpe Diem, or Live for Today. If you are a regular reader of Margaria Moments, you know I’m a huge believer in taking time out of your hectic schedule to enjoy a moment for yourself.

Seems so simple, doesn’t it? It is, and it isn’t. When the Big Bad Stuff has you scared out of your mind about your financial security, or a loved one’s health, or your child’s safety, you can easily go down the Path of Negativity. Don’t do it. Don’t go there. Take it one moment, one day at a time. In other words, don’t project. Don’t worry about the what-ifs in your future. I’m famous, or infamous perhaps, for always saying, “Anything can happen to anyone at any time. Enjoy and treasure everyone in your life.” Now, I’m not saying to ignore planning for the future with a sound retirement strategy, or forego researching a medical diagnosis needing treatment, or not ensuring your child has the best caregivers and education available. What I’m saying is plan for the areas of your life you can control, and do your damnedest not to worry about what you can’t.

Live for today. Each day. Be the best person you can be, make the best decisions you can with the knowledge you have, and be present–in your life and that of your loved ones.

Since that lunch conversation, my home life has been more peaceful and joyful than it has in many weeks. I hadn’t realized how much my anxiety was affecting my family, how it took me away from them emotionally. I’m so grateful for the change, and grateful that someone took the time to reach out to me in my time of need. I only hope to be the positive difference for others as this friend was for me.

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is watching romantic comedies. Today I watched, “While You Were Sleeping” for the umpteenth time. I thought you may enjoy this part, where Jack (played by Bill Pullman) demonstrates to Lucy (played by Sandra Bullock) a lesson about body language (It’s the first minute of this ten-minute clip):

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, or it’s been awhile, it’s a great holiday flick to watch with your girlfriends or for an at-home date night. Wishing you a happy holiday season, and hoping you’ll stop by next Monday for a Key West post.

What are you thankful for or how has another person’s kindness changed your outlook on life?

What on Earth Are You Here For?

November 12, 2012

The following post is adapted from my article, “The Purposeful Writer” published September 2012 in SHORELINES, the Long Island Romance Writers newsletter. Although the original was written for fellow writers, I believe it’s easily adapted to any life pursuit. Let me know what you think!

What On Earth Are You Here For?

By Jolyse Barnett

One of the most influential non-fiction books I’ve read as an adult was The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Rick Warren. As I began my quest as a new writer, quotes from this bestselling book would pop into my head, and I soon realized many applied to my life as a writer. They easily apply to whatever your passion or life pursuit entails. Here are three of my favorites:

“Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is “T-I-M-E.”

If we are passionate about something, we take the time and effort to learn it. We don’t try to cut corners. Learning your craft well takes time. For writers, that means write, write, and write some more. Read about writing, read a variety of genres, and consider story elements in the various dramatic forms. Accept the ebb and flow of writing. Think about writing, keep a journal, talk to your characters, and people-watch for character and dialogue ideas—whatever inspires creativity.

One of the greatest lessons I learned in my first two years as a serious writer was the importance of thinking like a writer, not a reader. A reader enjoys the well-crafted novel, but the writer understands the purpose of each part of a story, and how they interconnect to convey a particular mood and move the story forward. Time spent writing allows the writer to develop her voice as well.

“Why is this happening to me? Why am I having such a difficult time? One answer is that life is supposed to be difficult! It’s what enables us to grow. Remember, Earth is not heaven!”

People at all stages of their career likely experience setbacks or at least little roadblocks during the learning process. Yet-to-be-published writers like me may fret about getting an agent or selling that first book. Debut authors may worry about sales and getting the contract for their next story. Multi-published authors may be concerned with meeting deadlines, juggling the business aspect of writing, and maintaining their love for the art of writing. Remember, follow your dream career not because it’s easy, but because it’s your passion.

“Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. Don’t waste your pain.”

You invest yourself and your time into making your dream a reality, and it’s painful to fail. Your hard work is rejected. This experience may cause some people to give up, hide from judging eyes, and move onto less frustrating, wound-inducing pursuits. When I received my first rejections as a writer, I was very disappointed, but I determined to use that experience to improve my first novel and future work. Learning from your failures in life, and persevering despite failures will lead to ultimate success. I’m not a quitter, and neither are you.

What on Earth are you here for?

Hurricane Sandy — One Week Later

November 5, 2012

Are you ready for a Margarita Moment? I am. One hundred percent. Today we’ll browse one of Key West’s beautiful Mallory Square buildings, the Casa Cayo Hueso Bar & Restaurant. But first, I apologize for being offline last week. Hurricane Sandy preparations took precedence, and I’m thankful we heeded the warnings.

As you may remember, my family lost the fight with Tropical Storm Irene last summer, and this time we braced for Sandy’s powerful punch. We were among the fortunate. Despite having no power in our neighborhood for six days, our property sustained very minor damage, we had a neighbor with a generator in the evenings, and we had relatives only ten minutes away with power (including intermittent internet and phone service).

Some neighbors and friends lost vehicles, homes, were flooded out, or had to evacuate. People on the south shore of Long Island, Staten Island, and parts of the Jersey Shore suffered tremendously. Any life lost is great, and there were dozens of fatalities in the region.

We are doing what we can from here to help those without power–donating blankets and clothes. Local schools are housing people left homeless by the storm. Other schools are serving as warming and recharging centers. We are hopeful the situation will improve soon, with most schools reopening this week.

The morning after the storm, I trekked outside to assess the damage. We had lost a few roof shingles. Then, I walked to the end of my driveway. I looked to the left, and this is what I saw:

Jolyse Barnett Photography — One end of my street

Then I looked to the right. I began to get nervous.

If I had two trees down on my little street, how hard was the rest of my area hit? Without access to media, there was only one way to find out. I packed up my child and our go-bags and set out in the car. For my son’s sake, I made it an adventure. We were trying to find our way through the maze of downed trees and wires. There turned out to be only one way out, unlike the usual ten options.

Today, I sit in my warm, whole house while others continue to endure hardships–without heat, without light, and maybe without a loved one. I’m very blessed, very thankful, and send positive thoughts to everyone affected by Hurricane Sandy.

Do you have any hurricane experiences or messages of hope to share?

As promised, here’s your Moment:

Casa Cayo Hueso Souvenir Shop

This souvenir shop is located just south of the Ocean Key Resort on Mallory Square in Key West, Florida. The painted, wooden animals and decorative signs are plentiful and worth a look. If you’re in the mood for an impromptu history lesson, take a stroll through the wide hallway between the shop and Casa Cayo Hueso’s Bar and Restaurant.

You can easily spend a quarter hour gazing at its murals depicting life in early Key West.

We walked through the spacious Casa Cayo Hueso Bar & Restaurant, and the spicy aromas made out mouths water. We had reservations at another place, however, so we couldn’t sample the fare that particular day. But we will return, and when we do, I’ll be sure to share the details.

What restaurant do you enjoy visiting as much for the ambiance and decor as for the great food?